


I Trusted You

by mallabyway



Series: Noire Lavellan & Cullen Rutherford [1]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Lyrium, Lyrium Addiction, Lyrium Withdrawal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-04
Updated: 2015-09-04
Packaged: 2018-04-18 23:17:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4723949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mallabyway/pseuds/mallabyway
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The box was screaming from his right. The box that encased his great downfall. The box that would make him lose himself...and her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Trusted You

**Author's Note:**

> I gave people a series of prompts and this one was selected!

She had been gone for far too long. He thought about making it so that her trips were shorter...but then he'd realize how completely unprofessional that would be. But every single one of his joints ached. His chest burned. His head throbbed. Cullen sat at his desk, struggling to go through a series of papers that he had to look over. A tuft of hair was plastered onto his sweaty forehead, his body trying to rid of the toxicity that he was once addicted to. It was bad today...almost _unbearable_. 

The box was just tucked away on the bookshelf next to him. Cullen knew it was there. The image of it settling where it belonged. Maker, if it even belonged there. For all he knew, it should've been burned or given away or something. Why did he even still own it? Noire had given strict orders as not only his lover but also the Inquisitor _not_ to succumb to the addiction once again. He suddenly felt short of breath and immediately began to loosen his gloves and the mane that settled on his shoulders. Once he was free of the articles, he stood up slowly to stretch his stiff body. Soon after he found his feet carrying him to his bookshelf. Pressing his forehead onto a shelf, he closed his eyes and took a slow shuddered breath. What in Maker's name was he doing? 

"Andraste..preserve me," his voice sounded, dry and low. Slowly his eyes opened, wearily settling onto the box. Swiftly, he snatched it up and tossed it onto his desk. He ran his fingers through his hair, still damp with sweat, as he stepped towards it and opened it slowly. There it all was. Even though he had thrown it across the room so many times, it was still usable. Cullen threw his hands in the air and turned away. No. No no. He didn't want this. He wanted to be addicted to something else. He wanted to be addicted to _her._ Her jet black hair, her flame colored eyes, every freckle on her cheeks, the way his name slurred on her lips...this  made it worse, in fact. His body just ached even more. Cullen's arms fell to his side as he slowly tossed his head back. How weak he was without her. How undeserving of her he was. Noire is an idol, a leader, the Inquisitor. And here he was, a washed up Commander who cant even get a grip on a damned _crystal_. 

His body suddenly felt like it was on fire, and in almost immediate response he began to tear off anything on his torso, tossing it onto the stone floor. The rush of cool air helped only a little before he adapted and continued to feel feverish. It was all too much. His throat was closing from unwanted tears that he refused to give. His jaw clenched and he slowly turned back to his desk, reaching a shaking hand over to pick up a vial. He held the glass in front of his face, observing the liquid inside. It was right there. Such a small amount that could do so much and change his entire world. The Commander took his opposite hand and popped it open, the smell of lyrium instantly flooding his sense. Oh Maker how he craved it more. He brought the edge of it slowly to his bottom lip. _Noire, forgive me._ She would know. She would know he was different instantly. He was about to lose her because he was a coward. He wouldnt be able to give her the life they had dreamt together. He would be giving her up. Cullen closed his eyes and began to tilt the vial.

Noire Lavellan couldn't wait any longer. A few months in the Western Approach was just enough. Hopefully they would be sorted out for a while. She quickly tied up her hart and made a dash for Cullen's tower. Her heart was pounding. Each step she took she thought about the first thing she was going to do to him. Maybe a kiss? Maybe sit on his desk? Play with his hair! How about telling him she loved him? She didn't even take a moment to fix her tousled hair. She didn't care. Her eyes were bright and her smile was wide and eager. She pressed her hand onto the handle and swung open the door, her eager smile swiftly fading and her eyes widening. "Cullen Stanton Rutherford!" she screamed, running over and shoving the lyrium out of his hands and bringing her other hand to slap him across the face. 

Eyes wide, he pressed his hand onto his cheek and straightened up to look back at her. Noire ran her thumb along his bottom lips to get rid of any possible residue. "What in fucking Maker's name are you doing?!" She demanded, her eyes watering. He couldnt even register her anger. He was still processing that she was even there. Her hair had gotten longer and was in her face. Her freckles were darker from having been in the sun. Her makeup was faded and now running down her cheeks with her tears. Oh...Cullen snapped out of it and immediately reached forward to take her hand, "Noire -"

She pulled away and held her hands to her chest, "What were you doing?! No...why were you doing it?! Cullen what is going on?"

"I missed you." 

It made her heart ache. "Please pay attention to what Im asking you! Please don't force me to pull rank."

Cullen took a slow and uneven breath, the pain in his chest suddenly stabbing at him. Then it came. Anger and frustration. His thoughts were clouded. He looked at her and immediately raised his voice, "Been gone for two months and all you can think about doing is putting our jobs into our relationship? It must make you feel fucking fantastic to be able to do that. That's all you're good at, after all." He realized what he said quickly after and raised his hands up about to speak - too late. He lit the fuse.

"You have no Maker damned excuse! What the fuck were you doing?!" Her voice was strained. She pulled at her shirt and glared up at him, "You were going to go back to that shit?! You were ready to sell yourself to be a Templar?! Youre not! Youre not a Templar. Youre the Commander of the Inquisition _and_ my significant other!" Noire pushed her bangs out of her face and kept speaking, "Do you really see it as just sleeping with your boss? Is that how you view me? Just fucking a pretty little grunt? Someone below me?! Thats not at all how it is, you arse. But keep going! Tell me more about how you feel!"

He threw his hands up and turned away, "You are unbelievable! Of course I wasn't going to be a Templar again. No matter what I do I never want to go back to that lifestyle again. But some habits die hard. I tried so hard to be good enough for you but I guess I'll never live up to your expectations. You should just let me choose my lifestyle and stay out of it, both as the Inquisitor and lover."

Her hands curled into fists, and she held her ground for a good moment, glaring at him. She tried to stay so firm, but she felt her lips quiver and her eyebrows loosened. Noire tried to cover her face before he saw, but he caught a glimpse and that was all he needed to see to break his heart. She broke into a sob, her shoulders shaking, "I trusted you, Cullen."

No. He couldn't let her feel like this. He hated himself for being the cause. After hesitating, he reached over and pulled her to his chest, hugging her close to him. She couldn't put up a fight, immediately drinking in his scent and succumbing to him. "I trusted you were okay. I thought you would be able to  make this kind of decision on your own. I'm sorry I let you down."

Cullen felt his eyes water, a sad chuckle rising from his chest, "You thought you let _me_ down? I've been in here tormenting myself because I'm afraid of doing that to you." He pushed her back a little, gently running his hands through her hair and kissing her forehead. He then brushed the back of his hand across her cheek, wiping off her tears. 

"Do you really think Im not serious about you?" 

Ahh..the waterworks. Cullen pressed his forehead against hers, "No, of course not, love. I'm so sorry I said such a thing. I'm not sure where it came from."

He felt her body relax a little, her hands sliding to his damp upper arms. "Cullen..youre freezing."

"Really? I feel like I'm on fire."

Noire pulled back and looked into his eyes, "I'm sorry for however you're feeling. I dont ever want you to lose yourself. I love you so much." She pressed her lips onto his bottom lip. He brushed the knuckles of his fingers on her cheek bone and kissed back, cupping the back of her head. 

"I love you too."

 


End file.
